-Package, Miller. -That way.
Gordon Miller, collect.
Charge for Mr. Miller.
Laundry, valet.
Charge to Gordon Miller.
Flowers, candy.
Crillton, one moment, please.
Gordon Miller, line is busy.
Crillton, one moment, please.
Calls for Mr. Miller.
Gordon Miller.
Gordon Miller, Gordon Miller, Gordon Miller...
...Gordon Miller, Gordon Miller, Gordon Miller.
Gordon Miller. Boy.
- Who are those for? - Mr. Gordon Miller.
Mr. Gordon Miller?
-Penthouse. -Yes, sir.
-And, young man? -Yes, sir?
There's too much fiddle-faddling going on in this hotel.
-Yes, sir. -Singing and so forth.
-Yes, sir. -I want no more of it.
Yes, sir.
-This is a hotel, not a music box. -Yes, sir. Penthouse.
Will someone define
That thin dividing line
Upon the answer, lovers all depend
-Gordon! -Shh!
Don't shush me. I should never have allowed you in this hotel.
Don't break it up, they're getting it.
-Getting what? -That.
Hear, hear!
We want a showdown Yes, yes
We want the low-down Yes, yes
How do you get to be a spouse?
Where does love begin And where does friendship end?
The question is a knotty one, And really needs an answer
Where does love begin And where does friendship end?
A guy and girl start shakin' hands Now, when does he romance her?
Romeo loved Juliet
But when did they first start to pet?
Why, even Casanova had to stop
And think it over
-Sit down. -I don't wanna sit, I wanna talk to Gordon.
I'm in a terrible spot. Supervising director's arriving to inspect the books.
-Been knocking down? -No.
And where does friendship end?
It's a very silly notion That you have to show emotion
-So as a doctor of biology, I-- Hooray!
I shall presently inform you That the stimuli that warm you
-Are a product of psychology Hooray!
But where does love begin And where does friendship end?
Why is it when I look at you I get the strangest feeling
Where does love begin And where does friendship end?
I seem to be a bit confused I feel my senses reeling
The friendship that they cherished
Quickly falls away
Plain to see it's perished
By way of shotgun or halter They'll meet at the altar
So this is where one little kiss
Will tear away that mystery
Of how you lose a friend
For here's where love begins
Here's where Cupid wins
Here's where love begins
And here's where friendship
Ends
-That's swell, kids. That's enough for tonight. -Gordon.
-Oh, oh. Gribble, what are you shaking about? -Trouble with his bookkeeper.
He's not a bookkeeper. Mr. Wagner was sent by the board of directors.
-You been gambling again? -I've been gambling on you.
He'll discover your bill. It's the largest one in the hotel.
What will I tell him? If he finds out
you're my brother-in-law, that's the end of me.
You really think he'll make trouble?
No, he'll kiss me, he'll give me a medal
for extending $1200 credit to a shoestringer.
Watch that, Joe. No cracks.
Be reasonable. You advertise all the comforts of home.
-So what? -At home we didn't pay.
-Everything's free. -If only you would've nursed it alone...
...but you had to move in 22 actors who clean out my dining room like locusts.
The poor kids had to eat someplace.
Yeah, we had to keep the cast together.
Just imagine what a wonderful satisfaction when you go to bed at night...
...you can say to yourself, "Ah. Today I fed 22 starving actors."
I'm running a hotel, I'm not The Salvation Army.
-From my piano, the number looked terrific. -Oh, thanks.
-Please pay attention. -Sure.
Don't worry, Gordon has a backer.
- I'm sorry, I cannot tell that to Mr. Wagner. Why not?
You had backers coming, none of them came through.
Never one like this. This guy's really coming.
-We're expecting him now, name's Jenkins. -That's right.
-But I came up here-- -I hate to miss the fun, we've got to work.
Come on, girls. Well?
Oh.
Thank you kindly. See you later?
Well, I'll try.
Look, what are you getting upset about a measly $1200?
- There's a time in every businessman's life-- Room service.
-Refreshments, put them over here. -Thanks.
- Put them on the table. Harry, sign for this. - Sure.
Oh, no. No more charges against this penthouse.
Wait a minute, you're not gonna ask that poor boy...
...to carry that great big heavy tray all the way back downstairs, are you?
Very well. I'll sign it myself.
-That's more like you, Joe. -That's the last room service you'll get.
Joe, lend me a dollar, will you?
-Here. -Thanks.
Here.
-Here you are, chum. -Thank you, sir.
-It's okay. -Listen to me, Gordon--
Hey, that's my dollar.
-I'll find out for you, madam. -Thank you.
-Give me the porter. Yes, sir? -Mr. Gordon Miller, I'm expected.
-That's the penthouse. -Thank you.
Hello. Who do I say is calling?
Oh.
Your typewriter's open.
Hmm? Oh, yes.
-I hope I didn't embarrass you. -That's all right.
-Are you Miss Gypsy? -No, I'm not.
Well, it seemed rather logical.
-Did it? -Yes.
-I was going for the elevator, when I came-- Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh, excuse me.
Hello. What?
Oh, there is? Okay, thank you very much. All right, fellows, break it up.
There's a man on the way up here, it must be Jenkins. It's got to be Jenkins.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Hello. Yes, madam.
Oh, no, no, I couldn't possibly consider your offer of $20,000.
I think you'll find it very difficult to buy in to a show...
...as big as this one for such a small amount of money.
Yes, thank you very much.
Okay, fellows, do your stuff.
-Yes, sir? -Mr. Miller?
That's right, come right in.
-You were expecting me-- -Yes.
They called up from the desk. I'm delighted to see you.
-Mr. Binion, my producer. -How are you doing?
This is one of my associates. Make yourself comfortable. Get the man drink.
Will you have a cigar? I can recommend these, I use it myself.
I know you're a busy man, so I don't wanna waste your time.
-Let's get right down to business. -Well, that's fine.
Ha-ha-ha. That's a man after my own heart.
-Harry, the music. -Quite so.
Binion, get that phone. Tell the folks on the desk...
...no interruptions for a few minutes. Everybody wants to back this play.
Listen to that stuff. Throw you ear over there.
Isn't that lovely? That gorgeous?
When this show is put on, Oklahoma will be just another state.
Hello, who?
This is gonna be a cinch, Mr. Jenkins.
-Mr. Jenkins? -I beg your pardon.
- Like buying a solid-gold mine, Mr. Jenkins. Yes, Mr. Jenkins.
We've got the chorus all picked out. The show is in rehearsal now.
-I don't mind telling you, Mr. Jenkins-- -Yes, Mr. Jenkins.
Binion, would you mind not sounding like an echo?
- That'll be all right, Mr. Jenkins. - What's wrong here?
-That man is an impostor. -He's a what?
That was Jenkins. He can't get here till tomorrow.
What kind of a gag are you trying to pull on me, young man?
- I never said I was Jenkins. - Who are you?
-I'm Glenn Russell. -Glenn Russell? Never heard of him.
-Get rid of this guy. -Come on.
Just a second.
Two months ago, I sent you a play called Godspeed...
...and $1500 for a share in the production which you readily accepted.
And that's the last I heard from you.
You sent me play Godspeed, 15--?
Pardon me, just a moment. What did you say your name was?
-Glenn Russell. -Glenn Russell, well, of course.
Oh, Russell, the playwright.
-Good to see you, make yourself at home. -Thank you.
Let's get something straight, what about my play and money?
-The play and the money-- -Uh-uh. One question at a time.
But I still wanna know about my play.
I'll let you in on a secret. Your play is in rehearsal now.
-And the $1500? -That's in rehearsal too.
What my friend wants to say is, the 1500 is working for you.
-Glenn, it's working for you. -That's nice, I worked pretty hard for it.
Could I ask you how you earn so much money?
-Singing. -Singing?
Oh, a singing Shakespeare. Heh-heh.
I'll tell you what to do. You go home,
forget about the whole thing. We'll put on the play.
-And when it's all ready, we'll send for you. -Why?
-You've got a home, haven't you? -Sure.
-You got a mother? -Naturally.
-A father? -Stepfather.
Don't tell me you left your mother with your stepfather?
Horrible mistake. You ought to be on your way home.
-On the next bus. -Sure.
Probably breaking the lady's heart.
-My mother's happy I'm here. -Don't be mislead, that's a mother's mask.
-What time does the next bus leave? -Hurry, you can make it.
Get his suitcase and hat. Glad to see you. Anytime you come to town, drop in.
Now, wait a minute.
I've had enough of this horsing around.
I'm not going anywhere until I find out what's what.
If he's not going to accept our advice...
...we're not gonna force our opinions on him.
It might make him neurotic.
-What's that? -Quiet.
I'm beginning to believe that you never
had intentions of producing Godspeed.
How could you say that?
Furthermore, if you haven't, I want my play and money
or I'll speak to my uncle.
-Your uncle, who's your uncle? -Judge Russell.
Judge Russell's your uncle?
Isn't that marvelous?
What a character, what a cute fellow.
Don't you realize we've been kidding?
Don't you know it's an old theatrical custom...
...the producer has a joke with the playwright?
Prepare yourself for a surprise.
Tomorrow morning, at exactly 9:30...
...you're gonna see your play, Godspeed, in rehearsal.
Well, Mr. Miller, perhaps I've been a little hasty.
But I was a little worried, that's all the money I had.
No more money, are you broke? Where you gonna--?
We can't have you walking the streets.
You might be talking to strangers. That's simple.
Here, take the man's things, check him in downstairs.
Glad to have you with us. Move right in here.
Judge Russell is your uncle? Nice to have you with us, Glenn.
It'd be strange living here without money.
It's strange, but you'll get used to it.
Go in, wash up, make yourself comfortable.
We'll think of something exciting to do.
-Just how we gonna do it? -Huh? Do what?
How are we gonna show him a rehearsal when we're doing a musical revue?
No problem. We'll get some of our people, some of his lines...
...show him a fake rehearsal.
-What about his dough? -We'll fake that too, quit worrying.
But remember your blood pressure and be a little more tolerable.
You'll be surprised how intolerable I'll be.
Not another cent will be charged against his account.
-Gordon. -Hello, Joe, glad to see you.
-Gordon. -Yeah?
-What are you trying to do to me? -Wait, take it easy.
Who's this man you're checking in?
Glenn Russell, famous playwright.
-Has he money? -"Has he money?" he asks. Ha-ha.
What a question.
All right, by checking in here with you, he becomes responsible for half the bill.
-Oh, no, no, you can't do that, Joe. -Well, here I am, all washed up.
-Mr. Russell? -Yes, sir.
-In behalf of the hotel, I welcome you. -Thank you.
I trust that your stay with us will be a pleasant one.
And I have the pleasure to inform you that you owe me $600.
-What? -Hey, Joe, come on outside.
-I'm not coming out. -What kind of a place is this?
You move in, and you owe $600 right away.
-Ho-ho. The guy's only kidding. He's drunk. -I'm not.
You ought to be ashamed going around in this condition.
-I ought to talk to the manager. -I'm the manager and I'm not drunk.
Pardon me, Mr. Gribble.
Those 22 actors are in the dining room again.
Gordon, they're eating again.
Joe, they've got to eat. After all, they're human beings.
They're not human beings.
They're actors.
Isn't that wonderful? My brother-in-law, he can't handle his stuff.
Have you had your dinner? No, I can see you haven't.
Come out, we'll take care of that.
Hi, Fred, glad to see you.
Every motion picture
Has a moment on the screen
Exclusively devoted To a bathing beauty scene
Wherein the banker's lovely daughter Is submerged to here in water
With your permission
We will show exactly
What we mean
Hold it, one minute!
The lady must be in it!
Come in
Come in, the water is grand
Come in, come in and give me a hand
When you're in the bubbles
You haven't any troubles
You really can't deny it
Try it once and you will love it too
Come in
Come in, the water is sweet
Jump in
Jump in, it's really a treat
If you need relaxing, Jackson
Take this tip of mine
And come on, come on, come on in
The water is fine
Come out, come out, wherever you are
Look, who's here. There goes the last of your week's salary.
-Like to meet her? -I've met her.
You're a sap letting that bunch eat you broke.
Oh, I don't mind. They're pretty nice fellows.
One of them in particular.
So come out, come out Come out, come out!
Thank you, thank you. And now it's your turn.
We have a big Broadway producer with us tonight, Mr. Gordon Miller.
So if you have any talent...
Come out, come out, wherever you are
-Wanna try it? -Sure.
Who knows? Who knows? I may be a star
Not bad.
I would like to teach you
Baby, if I could only reach you!
Uh-uh You'll get to be a crooner, sooner
If you sing instead of cling
Spread out, spread out Give your elbows a rub
Come on, how about you?
Not me, uh-ha-ha
I can't carry a tune in a tub
Well, thanks for trying.
Every country yokel can be vocal
Lady, that's a lie.
Well, come out, come out, come out And give it a try
- Now who's gonna sing for me? - He is.
-You are? -Sure.
Oh, by the way, you know Glenn Russell, a famous playwright.
He wrote the play we're producing, Godspeed?
Oh, yes, yes, of course. The one you wrote on that typewriter.
-Uh-huh. -Hello again.
-Hello. -And you're gonna sing for us?
Yes, do you know the verse?
No, I don't, but I'll have Bob play it for you.
-Take it from the verse. -Glenn, do you sing as well as you write?
-About the same. -Oh, that's fine, wonderful, nice.
Columbus had more chance than me When he set sail to cross the sea
At least, he thought he knew What he was doing
And I'm in search of something too
Exactly what, I wish I knew
Yes, I pursue
But who am I pursuing?
Chances are that I won't find a bride
But it won't be
Because I haven't tried
Come out
Come out wherever you are
I know
I know you're not very far
How I wish you'd hurry
'Cause I'm inclined to worry
These arms of mine are open
Hopin' you'll appear
Where are you, dear?
Come out, come out wherever you are
Come out
Come out from under that star
Yes, and incident'lly, ment'lly
I'm not up to par
So, come out, come out, come out
Wherever you are
You were wonderful.
Wow, did you hear that?
-I don't know. -Think he's got something?
Got something? That guy's the greatest discovery of my career.
Did you see those women? The expressions on their faces?
If that guy was the Pied Piper of Hamelin, there wouldn't be a dame left in town.
It was very sweet of you to help me out, Mr. Russell.
I didn't know I was going that far, but I enjoyed doing it for you.
Thank you. Where did you learn to sing like that?
I didn't learn. I just sang, I guess.
Maybe I shouldn't have taken lessons.
How can you put him in a musical when he thinks you're doing his drama?
He said he'd put anybody in jail if they stole $5 from him.
-He did? -Yeah, even if it takes him his life.
-He said that? -Uh-huh.
Can you imagine being put in a jail by a guy from Oswego?
It's just a matter of psychology. Every man has his weakness, you know.
And I think I know his.
Chris, when you put that microphone in that Russell kid's hand, you struck gold.
You opened the gates to a million dollars.
-He's a nice kid. -A nice kid?
Charm, personality, that voice.
Ho-ho. Should've seen the women when he started singing.
-You should've seen yourself. -I know.
One thing worries me, he's rotten with ethics.
-He's a serious-minded boy. -Yeah.
All wrapped up in his play.
I'm wrapped up in it too. Maybe I'm gonna produce it.
Maybe he's got a great play, I'm gonna read it.
Do you mean you haven't read his play?
I gave it to Binion to read. He didn't understand it.
-I can understand that. -I'll tell you something else, Chris.
-That kid could get us into a lot of trouble. -Really? How?
Well, it's sort of a little technical stuff that you wouldn't understand.
-Important thing is to worry about our play. -Yes.
If we could get him to sing a couple of songs in it...
...we'll stampede them at the box office.
-All right, what do you want me to do? -Just a little selling job.
I want you to explain to him that the best way...
...to become a successful dramatic playwright is through musical comedy.
-Oh, you can get him interested. -Mm-hm.
And supposing he becomes interested in me?
-Well, I expect him to. -What?
I don't mean to that extent, the guy doesn't have to go overboard.
-I see. -Just tell him a few little simple things.
Like, "In show business, everyone helps everyone else."
-"It's all for one, and one for all." -And all for Miller.
Well, I'm the producer, the show has to go on.
-Oh, come on, Chris, do it. -All right, I'll try.
For you.
You know, I wish I had more time to concentrate on you.
So do I.
Well, we'll get around to that later.
While you're at it, see if you can talk him out of those rotten ethics.
That's an awful handicap in show business, awful handicap.
You mustn't mind Gordon.
Sometimes he acts a bit curious...
...but that's only because he's so wrapped up in his work.
He sure makes a lot of noise.
He was serious about your voice tonight. So was I.
Well, thanks.
Don't you think you ought to consider doing something in a musical revue?
Oh, no, I'm only interested in getting my play on.
Here's home.
I suppose you think it's rather ambitious of me...
...writing a play with a message, as they say.
No.
See, I put a lot of work in my play and I believe in it.
I hope you won't be disappointed.
Well, if it's a flop, it will be good experience.
Maybe the next one will be better.
The idea is to stick to it, not get sidetracked.
I see.
I don't mean to make a speech, but you're so easy to talk to.
And I'm so glad you're gonna be in my play.
That's very nice of you to say.
I mean it. I hope it will be lucky for both of us.
-Well... -Will I see you at the rehearsal?
No, I'm not in the part they're doing.
But I will see you tomorrow?
Sure. Good night, Glenn.
Pleasant dreams.
Mr. Russell, Mr. Miller, we're ready with rehearsal.
Let it go any time you're ready.
Clear the stage, everyone, except for those in the script.
Quiet, quiet! Let's try one now.
To those who have helped us carve a home out of the wilderness...
...to them we say, Godspeed.
Yes, Naomi, let this, then, be the symbol of our love.
The warmth of our heart, the three children you have born me.
Oh, yes, how strange the world, how strange.
Here come the children now.
- Good evening, Father. - Good evening, my dears.
- Good evening, Mother. - Good evening, my darlings.
They're gorgeous, aren't they?
They're supposed to be children.
Oh, well, they were only stand-ins.
We couldn't get the real children today. We have to have a permit for that.
-Where did you get them? -All right, go on quickly.
-What are we having for dinner, Mother? -Boiled buffalo.
-Oh, goodie. -Goodie.
-Goodie.
Oh, goodie, goodie
So full, my cup of happiness.
-Hello, son. -Hello, Father.
-Robert, home from college. -Yes, Mother.
-Son, I have news for you. -No.
You're about to become a brother.
No. Oh, Mother.
Oh, brother.
I couldn't possibly have written it that badly.
Wait a minute--
Oh, Gordon, I hate to interrupt but I don't think Mr. Jenkins likes it.
What about Jenkins?
The desk sent him up. That's him with the girl.
Oh. Oh. Enough rehearsing for today.
- That will be all. - Dismiss the company.
Chris, you remember Glenn. Glenn, you remember Chris.
Why don't you take him for a nice walk down that way? I'll see you later.
-Mr. Jenkins, Mr. Jenkins, I'm Mr. Miller. -Yes?
-How do you do? -Glad to see you.
-Mrs. Jenkins? -Miss Abbott.
I beg your pardon. It's a pleasure to see you.
That's more that I can say about your rehearsal. It was positively--
-Awful. -Exactly.
You didn't get the significance of it.
Would you excuse Mr. Jenkins and myself for a minute?
We got business we wanna talk-- Chris, take Glenn over to the piano.
Run over that song, "As Long as There's Music, There's Always a Chance."
Come on, Glenn.
That's my juvenile man, temperamental but all right.
Wonderful voice. Wait till you hear him sing.
-Oh, look, Mr. Miller. -Yes?
Since seeing that rehearsal, we're no longer interested in your enterprise.
Oh, Mr. Jenkins, I...
The mood begins
With violins
And suddenly
You're close to me
The tune that they're playing
Is simple and pure
The words keep saying
That my love will endure
As long as there's music
And words of romance
The spell of a theme starts you to dream
There's always a chance
As long as there's music
Whatever the song
As long as there's music
For sweethearts to sing
I'll sing you my love
Melodies of the birds on the wing
My loneliest days
Can never seem long
As long as there's music
And you are
The song
-Is he in the show? -Is he in the show?
Miss Abbott, he is the show.
-Well, Mr. Jenkins, settle the deal. -Ha-ha-ha.
You heard what the lady said, Jenky. Settle the deal.
-Oh, you were wonderful. -Was I?
I'm so glad we're going to be working together.
-Are we? -Oh, Miss Abbott.
Glenn, what Miss Abbott means is, she's interested in you--
I mean, she's financially interested in backing the show.
-She and Mr. Jenkins. -Oh?
But there's one thing you must understand. This is not my money we're investing.
Oh-ho-ho, I think I know what you mean, Mr. Jenkins--
No, I am the agent for a very wealthy man.
You'd recognize his name if I were to mention it.
Or if we saw it on the check.
You mean, he wishes to remain anonymous?
Well, you see, it's Miss Abbott's current whim...
...to do something in the theater.
Oh. Oh, well, may I say that it's the theater's extreme good fortune.
-You're a professional, Miss Abbott? -Naturally.
Of course she is. It's oblivious.
Sure, stands out all over. You can see it.
Now, my client is predisposed to indulge Miss Abbott's whim...
...to the amount of, say, $50,000.
Fifty--? Fifty thou--? Ha.
Well, ha-ha, I should say a good whim was worth $50,000. Ha-ha-ha.
If you'll have the papers ready tomorrow, I'll be here and take care of everything.
-Fine, fine. -And I'll be here to take care of everything.
Oh, Miss Abbott, I think you need some fresh air.
I know what I need.
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
I just wanna know one thing, Gribble.
What goes on in that head of yours?
-Mr. Wagner, if you'll just let me explain. -Explain?
You let this chiseler move in here, move in 22 other people.
Twenty-two people that I can't even find.
Charging it all up to one room...
...and paying out over $200 in cash for gifts.
Well, they are very generous people.
You see, Mr. Miller kept promising and showing me backers and telegrams...
...and he even gave me his word of honor.
I don't know what you're talking about. The more I go into this, the less I know.
But one thing I'm sure of, there's a screw loose in this hotel and I'm gonna find it.
-Yes. -I was sent here...
...to pull this unit out of the red and nothing is going to stop me.
First, I'm gonna lock out these 22 vanishing Americans...
...and then, I'm going to take care of Miller personally.
And you are gonna be charged the difference...
...between the credit limit and the loss.
-Seven hundred dollars. -Yes, Mr. Wagner.
That will be all, gentlemen.
Seven hund--
No.
This is Mr. Gribble.
Get me Gordon Miller.
Fifty thousand dollars.
You realize you sold the show on Russell's voice?
-Sure. -How you gonna sell Russell?
We'll make that sale when we get to it.
Suppose he doesn't wanna be in the show?
What's he got to say about it? I'm producing this show.
-What are you gonna have? -B&B with a shot.
-Tequila. -I'll have a beer.
Yeah, all right. For you, Mr. Miller.
For me? Thanks. Hello?
Gordon, Wagner's here.
He checked the books.
Gordon, he's not happy.
He's gonna lock out your cast. He's gonna throw you out too.
He can't. If he locks them out, I'll lose my cast, I've got a backer.
You tell that to Wagner.
Gordon, if I lose that job...
...your sister may have to go to work again.
Joe, Joe, wait a second. Joe.
-What's up, boss? What's the matter? -What?
The worst has happened.
-What? -We're locked out.
-Oh, no. -Oh, no.
Wagner wants the money. I don't where to get ahold of Jenkins.
-How about giving a dated check? -You can't, they'll get wise to it.
-Let's think of something. -This is no time to think.
Boys, I got it.
There's an old hotel law that says you cannot move a sick man out of his room.
-Yeah. -That's right.
-How do you feel? -Huh?
Me? Great, great, never felt better.
Gordon, Glenn wants to talk to you about his play.
Yeah, particularly that rehearsal. It just about made me sick.
-Sick? -It upset me very much.
May I suggest you have a little drink, and we'll talk the whole thing over.
My lines weren't written to be spoken like that.
Oh, well, that was just a rough rehearsal.
The actors speak much better when they're made up.
Yes, in the theater and with costumes.
There you are, try that.
-Everything is gonna look different to you. -I hope so.
Sure, sure.
There will be so many changes around here, it will make your head swim.
I can't understand it. It came on me all of a sudden.
-You look terrible, terrible. -Look how pale he is.
Probably change in water, change of food.
Maybe something inherited from his stepfather.
Perhaps it was something in that drink, it tasted very funny.
What? A bad drink at the Hotel Crillton bar? Impossible.
-You better get to bed right away. -Yeah, I feel awful.
You'll feel better in the morning.
Chris, Harry, I want you to get some things for Glenn.
Binion, take care of him. He's your responsibility.
My grandmother said the same thing.
They were gonna shoot her, but she got her foot caught in a bear trap.
-Did you do something? -Don't worry, he'll be all right.
Go down to the lobby, get the cast, and keep them there.
We're being locked out.
Go with her, when you get them, hide them someplace.
-Up in the ballroom. -Suppose Wagner should find out?
If he comes in, start them dancing. Now, hurry up.
All right, come on.
There's a screw loose in this hotel, and I'm gonna find it.
I'll pull this hotel out of the red if I have to check into every room myself.
-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir.
As long as there's music
There's always romance
-What the devil are you singing about? -I, singing?
You were definitely singing. And at a time like this.
-Well, good afternoon, gentlemen. -Who is this man?
Mr. Miller, this is Mr. Wagner, the aforementioned gentleman.
Oh-ho. So you're the person responsible for all my discomfiture, huh?
Look here, I must insist you immediately reopen those rooms on the 19th floor.
The occupants happen to be my guests. I'm responsible for their bill.
And who is responsible for yours?
Will you please not cloud the issue?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm going to give you one hour to clean up your bill...
...or I'm gonna put you out of this hotel and our theater as well.
Ah-ah-ah. I'm afraid you're ahead of yourself. I don't think you can do that.
-Why can't I? -It so happens the other occupant...
...of this penthouse, Glenn Russell, the famous playwright, has been taken ill.
He's been stricken with a very dangerous and serious malady.
-I don't believe a word. -He didn't look well yesterday.
-Stop talking. -Wait till you see him today.
-Where is the sick man? -In bed, naturally.
Would you like to see him? Step this way.
May I see him too? I have a brother who's a veterinarian.
- There he lies. - Take it easy now.
What's the matter with him?
- We don't know yet. - Ohhh.
This will decrease the hemoglobin in the esophagus.
You hear that?
We've sent out for Dr. Thorbolt, who is a specialist in diseases of this kind.
What kind? You don't know what's wrong?
Ha-ha. That's what makes him a great doctor.
I'd suggest discretion.
-That's very discreet of you. -Another thing, Wagner...
...if this man is evicted, you personally will be held responsible...
...for any change in his condition.
-That is the law. -Uh-huh.
Well, it's quite possible that this man is ill.
I'll give you till tomorrow. Then I'll be back with a house physician.
-I'll be glad to see you. -Come along, Gribble.
-Ohhh. -I have pajamas just like that.
I'm terribly sorry this had to happen in your hotel, Mr. Wagner.
-Gordon, what is the matter with him? -Huh? He wrote a play.
-But a play couldn't make him sick. -You didn't read the play.
Oh.
-Morning, sir. -Good morning.
-You're up early. -Yes, I'm going to the Victoria Theatre.
-It's a long walk. -That's all right, I like to walk.
Hey, Glenn?
Glenn?
Glenzie boy, where are you?
Oh, Glenn? Hey, Glenn? Oh.
Wonder where he is?
Hello, operator?
Get me Miss Marlowe, please, will you? Right away.
Harry. Binion.
Harry. Oh, those guys are never around.
You get no cooperation. You've gotta do everything.
Hello, Chris. Chris, look, honey, Glenn is gone.
Don't worry, I don't think he's far. He'll probably call you right away.
If Wagner finds out he's not in bed, we'll get thrown out.
So when he calls, make a date, do something.
I don't know, honey, Take him for a ride up at Central Park.
But explain the situation and bring him back as fast as you can.
With a high temperature. Yeah, okay, okay.
Thanks, sweetie. All right.
Wait here.
-Oh, Glenn. -Hello, what are you doing here?
-Looking for you. -How'd you know where to find me?
I've been to every theater in town. Come on.
-Where? -Back to the hotel.
-Why? -I'll tell you in the cab.
-Here you are. -You only got half a shine?
Be back tomorrow for the other half.
The Crillton Hotel and please hurry.
Well, what's up?
-Glenn... -Yes?
Glenn, we're in trouble.
So I've been thinking. Why?
Well, now before you ask any questions, please listen to me.
Sure.
More than anything, you wanna see your play produced?
But, of course.
Well, this is honestly the only way I know it can be done.
How?
Oh, I know it may seem roundabout and complicated...
...and not exactly as either of us would want it, but--
Go on.
Glenn, Gordon's broke.
Hmm?
That's dandy.
Everything he's had he's put in this production.
Now they're trying to put him out of the hotel.
I know Gordon's crazy. I know he's unethical.
But he means well. And he knows his business.
Oh, Glenn, for my sake, if you could just be a good fellow.
What do you want me to do?
Oh, Glenn, would you?
Maybe.
It seems my neck's in this thing too.
After all, I did write the play he's trying to produce.
Oh, Glenn.
Miller, for the last time...
...I demand you allow Dr. Glaston to examine the patient.
For the last time, I tell you it's impossible.
That patient will not be disturbed until his physician, Dr. Thorbolt...
...has finished the examination.
-Mr. Wagner, if I may-- -I'll handle this, Gribble.
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this case.
Twenty-two actors asleep all over the hotel, signing checks for meals.
Getting sick in our best suites. That is, if he is sick.
-Come on, doctor, let us in. -You can't.
-Here's the doctor. -Gentlemen. Please.
Patient must have absolute quiet.
-How's he doing? -Well, I--
Doctor? Why, he's not--
Joe, you are a bellboy. That is Dr. Thorbolt.
Have you had time to finish your examination?
Yes, a very serious case of sleeping sickness.
-Really? -Oh, yes. He was bit by a tsetse fly.
-Oh, no. No, not that. -Horrible.
A very tragic case. I believe that rigor is beginning to set into his mortis.
What the doctor means is that rigor mortis is about to set in.
Tell me, doctor. Do you think he has a chance?
Well, in a case like this, it may go on for weeks.
For weeks? No, no, not in my hotel.
I don't think I've had the pleasure, Dr. Thorbolt. I am Dr. Glaston.
-This is my case. Who brought you in? -I did.
Miller, who is this person?
-He's a bookkeeper. -I'm not a bookkeeper.
No, Dr. Thornberg. He is my superior.
I don't care if he is your superior bookkeeper.
He can't disturb my patient.
-If he does, I'm going to walk out. -Now, wait a minute, Har--
Doctor, you can't walk out like this.
Doctor, your diagnosis interests me.
Just what type of sleeping sickness would you say it was?
Epidemic encephalitis or human trypanosomiasis?
Exactly. As a matter of fact, a combination of the both.
Fantastic.
How could a tsetse fly have gotten in?
-We have screens, haven't we? -Maybe in the elevator?
Impossible.
Thorbolt, I demand you permit Dr. Glaston, our house physician,
-to examine the patient. -Absolutely not.
I will split a fee with no one.
Furthermore, I don't think I approve of Dr. Glaston.
I don't understand.
I have no respect for doctors who advertise in hotel elevators.
-Name plates are not advertising. -Crass commercialism.
Why don't you put a sign on your back and walk around on stilts?
Oh, the hotel would never allow that.
I'll have you understand I'm endorsed by the medical association.
Yeah, well, aren't we all?
- Mr. Miller... - Yes?
-Mr. Russell has just returned-- -What?
-To consciousness. -Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, doctor, he's come to.
-You may come in. -Come, Dr. Glaston.
-Oh, thank goodness. -Why, Gordon...
-Huh? -...that young lady is--
That young lady is Miss Florence Bloominggale...
-...the well-known nurse. -Oh.
-Where'd he come from? -I don't know.
-He looks healthy. -That's what's got us worried.
Will you consent to have this man taken to a hospital?
My conscience wouldn't allow it.
Dr. Glaston, will you hurry with the examination?
-Will you allow me? -He's sleepy all the time.
-Say: Ah. -Ah.
No, louder. Wider.
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
-Isn't that beautiful? -I don't see it.
-Telephone. -Hello? Who?
What? Oswego?
That's my mother.
You tell Oswego they'll have to pay for the call.
-No, we will not accept the charges. -Hey, that's my mother.
You see that? Reversed charges, meals, empty rooms.
You're a bellboy, that's what you are.
-An overgrown bellboy. -On the stationery, it says "manager."
Hurry and make him healthy, and get him out.
I'll get on with this in my own time and manner.
Now clear this room, instantly.
Instantly, do you hear me?
All right, hurry up. Thirty years in the hotel business--
-Screw loose here somewhere. -I'm gonna find it.
Wagner, take it easy, with your high-blood pressure, you'll blow a gasket.
-Give me that phone. -Hello? Hello?
Hello? What?
Nineteen people? I'll be right down.
Nineteen were discovered in the Crillton Theater.
What happened to the other three?
Come on, we'll throw them out bodily.
They're not hurting your empty theater. Haven't you any milk of human kindness?
Get out of that, get down there, keep that cast together.
Tell them to walk around. That's a public place, he can't throw them out.
Young man...
I know, doc. There isn't a thing wrong with me. You won't tell Wagner, will you?
I hold no brief for Wagner. I've had to submit to his bullying myself.
But my duty is clear. I shall have to report that you're in perfect health.
Wait, doctor. Report tomorrow or the next day, but not now.
I'm sorry, young man.
-I'll give you a piece of the show. -I don't want a piece.
-We'll give you 10 percent. -No.
I'll put your name on the program.
-Swell advertising. -I don't advertise.
Oh, wait a minute, doctor.
Hello, long distance, please. Oswego.
What?
Oh, never mind. I'll go downstairs and use a pay phone.
Look, if you'll do this for me, I'll make those actors employ you as their personal--
No. I will not be coerced or intimidated or bribed.
Haven't you any red blood? GLASTON: Yes.
Have you any regard...
- ...for your fellow man? - No.
Doc, you gotta listen to reason.
All right, doctor, if that's the way you want it.
-Let me go. Where are we going? -You're going out to get some air.
-No. -Yes.
No, I can't stand heights.
I can't stand heights.
I don't wanna argue about it any further. I want you to do exactly as I say.
Well, Mr. Jenkins, how do you do? Come right in.
Thank you.
-I'm not interrupting? -Oh, no, no, indeed.
Just usual distractions of a producer. Many things to think about.
The actors, scenery, and all that stuff.
-It keeps you young. -It keeps you young or kills you.
Oh, that'll be all, and I want my instructions carried out to the letter.
-Pleasure, Mr. Miller. Good afternoon. -Good afternoon.
Can't run a big organization without discipline.
-Naturally. -Sit right there, sir.
You have the papers ready?
Oh, yes, indeed, sir. Here's the stock book, all made out.
Fifty shares made out in the name of Simon Jenkins.
Help. Help.
Now, here's the contract. It's just a simple statement.
You don't have to bother to read it if you don't want to.
"Gordon Miller, you are hereby commanded to appear before Judge Thatch--"
Oh, what's that? Oh, excuse me, sir.
How do you like that? You got hold of one of the props.
-I'm sorry that that mistake happened. -Oh.
Here's the contract right there.
-There you are. -Ahem.
If you'd scare to sign right on that line--
I never sign anything without thoroughly digesting it first.
Oh, I see.
Here's Oswego for you, Mr. Russell.
-Oswego? Russell? -Yes, sir.
Didn't I order not to accept calls from that room?
He's calling from a booth on the mezzanine.
-Russell? -Yes, sir.
-A booth on the mezzanine? -Yes, sir.
The man that hung up the phone?
Oh, he didn't understand, Mom. He was just clowning.
All right. Goodbye, Mom.
-Hello. -Hello.
Are you alone?
As far as I know, yes.
May I come in?
-I have to go-- -Everything's all right.
-Is it? -Yes.
Jenkins is giving Miller a check.
-Oh, good, then I'll be seeing you-- -Oh, don't go.
Well, I got my party.
So did I. Shall we sit down?
In here?
Well, why not? It's cozy, we're friends.
Hello, operator? Give me the booth on the mezzanine.
-The phone's ringing. -I know.
-Why don't you answer it? -Sure.
The other way.
Hello?
Oh, hello.
What are you doing?
Oh, I got a thing on my hands...
This is Chris. Will you do me a favor, and no questions asked?
Don't say anything about the show.
Just play dumb and say "yes" to everything Ms. Abbott asks.
-Everything? -Yes, I'll explain later.
Okay, but I may have to explain later too.
Goodbye.
-My mother. -Uh-huh.
She's worried about me.
I know because...
...I've a woman's intuition. I can't help but I suspicion.
I have an urge
And I simply must obey it
Now, don't be alarmed unduly My approach may seem unruly
But I have love to convey And you must let me convey it
That hug was the final blow And that's why I'd like to know
Oh, boy
Where does love begin And where does friendship end?
You give me what you call a peck And say it's just affection
Where does love begin And where does friendship end?
Why is it every time you neck I find I need protection?
There are some things we daren't That's what you always say
You treat me just like a parent
But those kisses of Father's Don't give me the bothers
So will you please define That thrill dividing line?
And if that line won't break I'll make it bend
Oh, where does love begin And where does friendship end?
Ms. Abbott, you know New York City has the finest police department in the world?
-Has it? -You're not listening to me, Ms. Abbott.
Do you know that New York has the finest police, you know, police...?
Pshaw. Police.
We couldn't be relations Not from the way you act
'Cause I get such funny sensations
And a kiss from my sister Doesn't bring on a blister
Will you please define That thrill dividing line?
And if that line won't break I'll make it bend
Everything seems to be satisfactory, Mr. Miller.
Wonderful.
Now, you're going to see the signature on the check...
...so you might as well know who your backer is.
Zachary Fiske.
-Zachary Fiske? -Shh!
Now you understand why there should be no publicity about this whatever.
The world must never know.
Mr. Jenkins, believe me, this will be my sacred trust.
Good.
Great Scott. What is that?
I don't know. You don't suppose that could be an optical illusion, do you?
-It looks like a face hanging there. -Does it?
-Yes. -Why, say, it is a face. Ha-ha-ha.
How stupid of me not to recognize. That's the fellow I've got under contract.
He used to be a human fly and he likes to keep in practice.
Ringtail, would you mind not rehearsing outside my window?
I've a business conference. Get away, I'm busy, I'll see you later.
I'm sorry about these interruptions. Anything for a laugh.
-You know how actors are. -No, I don't.
Oh, well, I just noticed that this check is made out to you, sir.
Yes, I was just gonna endorse it over to you.
Fine. Whoa!
Hold on. This is drawn on a Los Angeles Bank.
Mr. Fiske does his banking in California. That's where most of his interests are.
It may be all right for him, what about me? I won't get the money for five days.
Why, my dear boy, the minute you deposit a Zachary Fiske check...
...your credit rating immediately becomes triple A.
Oh, sure, sure, what am I thinking of? I'm crazy.
The magic of that name, see. I didn't even say the name. Sign here.
Now, I've got you by the seat of your pants.
And I'm not gonna let go till I toss you and that playwright out.
Not now, I'm busy. Go away.
Trifle with me no longer, I saw Russell on the mezzanine.
Which gives me the right to this penthouse.
-Who's this? -Who are you?
-My publicity agent. -I am not.
I told you there was to be no publicity--
You don't understand. He's for the stars.
-He's got an idea. He wants Ms. Abbott. -No idea. I do not--
I can see the lovely pictures. Ms. Abbott posed as the Goddess of Currency.
I don't know Ms. Abbott, unless she checked in in the--
Don't bandy about the name of the young lady.
I'll bandy anything I please. I'm here for money.
Ha-ha-ha. Just as I was telling you, that's show business.
I'm badgered by my producer, now I'm badgered by my agent.
Don't pay attention. He's eccentric.
I'm a genius, I'm gonna throw you both out.
Wait, let's be serious. I want you to know Mr. Jenkins represents...
-...one of the great financial geniuses-- -Miller!
I don't give a hoot about who he represents.
This looks like a badger game to me.
This man's full of idiosyncrasies. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
-Binion, throw this man out. -Gribble, throw these men out.
This fellow burst in just as I was gonna put $50,000 in my pocket.
Mr. Wagner, please, Miller is my brother-in-law.
Brother-in-law? That explains it. You're guilty of a fraud, I'm gonna call the police.
-The police? Let me out of here. -No, no.
-Don't pay attention to Wagner. -Help me!
That's old Ringtail, he's always hanging around.
Don't let a little excitement change your point of view.
-Mr. Jenkins, there is so much money-- -Hello? Hello, operator?
-Why don't they answer this phone? -You told them not to.
-This hotel-- -Look.
Dr. Glaston? Dr. Glaston.
Believe me, this is gonna be a-- Let's sit down and talk it over.
I don't blame Miller for putting me out. He had a perfectly good reason.
I heard through the window. He was transacting a legitimate deal.
-All I want you to do is sign. -No.
All I know is that Zachary Fiske is backing his play.
The Zachary Fiske.
Zachary Fiske...
I am through with this hotel.
Mr. Gribble, kindly have my shingle removed from the elevators.
Gribble, why wasn't I told?
-You're telling everyone to shut up. -Shut up!
No.
-You can't go-- -No!
Don't pay any attention to him, he's always around.
Go around there, head him off. I'll meet you here.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, Mr. Jenkins.
-Oh, my God, he's gonna faint. -Put him in the bed.
Here, drink these.
It's 20 years old.
I don't drink.
Oh, let me out of here. I'm not a well man.
Sign the check, we'll get you a doctor.
I had no idea Zachary Fiske--
How did that name become public property?
-Everyone knows Zachary Fiske. -Sure.
I promise, Zachary Fiske will never be heard beyond these walls.
We'll deposit this check and never mention either one.
I don't trust you.
I, Quenton Wagner, vouch for these gentlemen.
I'll personally vouch for him. Sign this check and go.
-All right, all right, all right. -There you are. Ha-ha-ha.
-Now let me out of here. -Yes.
-It's a pleasure, Mr. Jenkins. -A rapturous pleasure.
Thank you very much. You'll never regret this, Mr. Jenkins.
Neither will Zachary Fiske.
Oh!
-Ha-ha. -Well, Miller, I'll just take that check.
Uh-oh. Not yet, you'll get yours just as soon as this check clears the bank.
That'll be in about five days.
We'll bank it for you. When the check clears, we'll turn over the balance.
-Do I understand that you don't trust me? -I do.
I want your bill wiped off for my first report to the board of directors.
That's only fair, Gordon.
Uh-huh. Asking favors, Wagner? Well, Joe, I'll do it for you.
Has anyone a fountain pen?
Mine has green ink.
Eenie, meenie, minie, I'll take this one. Thank you, Binion.
Now, Mr. Wagner, I want my cast re-admitted to this hotel immediately.
-Yes. -Yes.
-Room service must be restored. -Yes.
And, incidentally, you may make out a lease for your Crillton Theater downstairs.
-I'll be needing it. -Anything you say, Mr. Miller.
Well, this has been a most satisfactory day. Come, Gribble.
My brother-in-law.
-Hello there. How are you, doctor? -Fine.
-Gordon, the check. -The check is in safe keeping.
- Ha-ha. - Oh, Gordon.
Christine, our troubles are over. We are rich.
Yeah, 50 grand.
You tell them. I haven't got the heart.
We met Jenkins. He's gonna stop the check.
He endorsed it to get out of here.
He said you guys kicked him around.
I never kicked him at all. He can't do that.
It wouldn't make any difference if he did. After all, he signed the contract.
Or did he sign the contract? Oh!
Let's find out. Come on.
Sure he signed it. Someplace here.
He didn't?
He's just a rat.
Yeah, took me weeks to get it. Now, in one minute, I lose it.
-It'll be all right. -You'll get an idea.
-Think of something. -We'll put it down to experience.
Oh, fine. Put it down to experience.
How am I gonna pay a hotel bill with experience?
You know what I'd do if I was in my right mind?
-I'd jump over that balcony. -Oh, no.
Well, you talked me out of it.
We can get a backer somewhere.
Sure, but where? Where?
Where? Hah!
Why, children, we have a backer.
-Who? -I don't get it.
That check was drawn on a Los Angeles Bank.
It takes a few days for a check to bounce back from Los Angeles.
During those few days, we have the use of $50,000 in credit.
-See, I told you. -But you'll get in trouble.
- We're in trouble, anyhow. - It ain't legal.
Just as legal as Wagner busting in here, ruining my plan.
Here's the setup, we're all rehearsed. Got the scenery, costumes.
If we have to, we can open in three days, and with Glenn singing those songs--
Glenn? How are we gonna get him to rehearse the big song?
We'll switch our rehearsal from the theater to Wagner's roof garden.
Tell Glenn I'm giving a big party to celebrate the opening.
And then you play a little phony love scene with him...
...and gradually lead him into the theme song.
-Supposing he doesn't sing? -Oh, honey, cut it out.
With that soft music playing and the breezes blowing on him...
...and you looking at him with those big lovely eyes of yours...
...believe me, he'll sing. Ho-ho.
Glenn, supposing, just supposing, your play wasn't produced...
...that is, not just as you would want it to be.
Uh-uh. Let's not think about that.
Look at those lights down there.
Here we are, way up on top of them.
That's where we're gonna stay.
You and I. Both of us.
All of us.
Yes.
Look at Chris. She's doing a swell job, isn't she?
In a few minutes, that guy's either gonna sing or bust.
Tell Harry to turn loose that romantic music when I give you the signal.
-I'll be over there. -Right.
Glenn, we've all got to stick together.
All for one, and one for all.
That's the tradition of the theater.
Artists helping each other out, isn't it?
Yes.
You'll remember that, won't you?
Uh-huh.
No matter what happens?
Well, sure.
Hey, what's this?
I don't know.
I'm all mixed up.
-Glenn, I'm a miserable little person. -You're crazy.
You know, there's something I've always wanted to do.
-Yes? -And I think I'm gonna do it.
Some other time
I could resist you
Yes, some other time
Not now
There is no rhyme
Now that I've kissed you
With all that is me
I thee endow
Imagine me thinking You could never faze me
The tricks my imagination plays me
You smile And this heart of mine betrays me
You know it's so
Let's take a vow
To love forever
Not some other time
But now
There never was such a moon
Such a moment so opportune
You see, some other time
Might do as well
My only answer, darling
Is who can tell
Some other time
I could resist you
Yes, some other time
Not now
There is no rhyme
Now that I've kissed you
With all that is me
I thee endow
Imagine me thinking You could never faze me
The tricks my imagination plays me
You smile And this heart of mine betrays me
You know
It's so
Let's take a vow
To love forever
Not some other time
But now
I always knew
That your kiss would be a gay thing
It's turned out to be a runaway thing
I just can't escape this night and day thing
You know, that it's so
Let's take a vow
To love forever
Not some other time
But now
Glenn.
-Glenn, why did you run away? -You were finished with me, weren't you?
Finished with you?
Yeah, your pretty rehearsal.
You knew all the time?
Sure, and I got another surprise for you.
I can read too.
"Gordon Miller, Christine Marlow and Glenn Russell."
Glenn, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how.
It happened because we got so involved.
No need explaining, Chris. I get the joke.
Glenn, Gordon asked me to do it for him and the company.
I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Good luck, Chris, and happy dreams.
Glenn...
I'm sorry, Gordon.
Oh, all right, don't worry about it. It happens to me all the time.
Good old Gordon Miller, the boomerang thrower.
But he's so fine, so sweet.
Yeah.
We've hurt him, I know we have.
Yeah, I guess we have.
Hey, Chris, he didn't say anything about suing us, did he?
-Oh, Gordon. -Well, that's important.
I could kill you. I tell you I'm in love with Glenn and you ask if he's suing us.
Well, somebody's gotta worry about the business end of this business.
Besides, one of us crying at a time is enough.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's all right. Don't worry about it.
We'll work it out some way.
-Good night. -Good night.
Oh, stop blubbering, will you?
You'll have your eyes all puffed up for tomorrow night.
A voice like that and the guy wants to be a playwright.
-Hello, Mr. Miller. -Hello, Sugar.
-How's the show going? -Oh, so-so.
-Take a message, will you? -Sure.
It goes to Mr. Glenn Russell, Oswego, New York.
Dear Glenn, you were absolutely right in walking out on me.
I deserved it, but you were wrong about Chris.
She was merely carrying out my orders.
The kid is really in love with you, Glenn.
Shall I send her to Oswego, or will you come back here for her?
Congratulations, all the best.
Signed, Gordon Miller.
-Collect? -No, charge it to my bill.
-Oh, and put a dollar on for yourself. -Thanks.
-It's all right, good night. -Good night.
That's it. Yes.
And 10 dozen American Beauties with the longest stems.
Put a note inside that says, "Love from Glenn, to Chris."
That's it, and see that it's delivered backstage. Uh-huh.
Charge the whole thing to the hotel. Uh-huh. Thank you very much.
-Hello, Gordon -Oh, hello, Joe.
-Thanks for use of the hall, I'll get out now. -That's all right.
-How'd the rehearsal go? -Wonderful.
Few little hitches, nothing to worry about.
I'm not one to make predictions, but this is gonna be the biggest smash of my career.
I always knew you'd get there, Gordon. You're one of those destined for success.
Ha-ha. That's very sweet of you, very sweet.
We had ups and downs getting this rolling, but here we are at the opening night.
Thanks to you, Joe.
Mr. Gribble, a messenger from the bank.
Mr. Gribble can't see anybody now, can you, Joe?
Not unless it's important.
We'd like your receipt for a check.
-Couldn't you bring that in the morning? -I can't.
-What is it? -A large check.
Don't bother about it now, Joe, please--
Gordon, Gordon.
It was as big a shock to me as it is to you.
Zachary Fiske, it bounced.
Joe, don't get panicky, please. Calm yourself.
These happen all the time. Nothing to worry about.
Sign here, please.
Just goes to show you.
-You can't trust those banks. -Thank you.
Joe, I would've told you before, but I didn't want you to worry.
Didn't want me to worry? You want me to go to the poorhouse happy?
No, that isn't the point.
I didn't want Wagner to find out until the show was open.
Once the show is a hit, he's got nothing to squawk about.
And suppose the show isn't a hit?
Well, in that case, I guess there's just one thing to do, Joe, old boy.
I guess you'll just have to make a clean breast of the whole thing.
Me make a clean breast of--?
Uh-uh. Now, Joe, don't alibi with me. After all, you get yourself into these things.
You've got to expect to pay the price.
-Hello, Miller. -How do you do, Mr. Wagner?
I was saving this surprise for you.
Oh, is that so? I was saving a surprise for you too, sir.
-A big one. -You like it, Joe?
Most appropriate.
After all, Miller is a guest in good standing now.
Of course, you still owe us a bill.
-Yes, sir. A trifle. -I'll take care of that.
Yes, we have nothing to worry about, now that your ship is coming in.
-What's the matter, Gribble? -When you talk of ships, seasick.
-Have you launched this shop? -No, thank you, sir, not now.
I never put pleasure before business. I've got to get our show open tonight.
-Ha-ha. Good luck, Joe. -Gordon.
-Why don't you take your success? -Yes, thank you very much.
It's gonna be a very exciting evening, a very exciting evening.
Regardless of what I think of him personally, I think it was good idea...
...to make this gesture, after all-- What's the matter, Gribble, nervous?
No, no.
He's a crackpot, but he has energy. He has the energy of a steam shovel.
There is something wrong with you, Gribble.
I don't feel so good.
Must have been that fish we had for dinner.
You know, the food in this hotel is terrible.
-Awful. -Yeah.
I can't imagine a shrewd manipulator like Fiske...
...putting his money into show business.
Give me a sound, staple business like a hotel anytime.
-Hey, Gordon. -What's the matter?
Why aren't you getting that show started?
Wagner sent word that we should come up here right away.
-I smell a crisis, and it don't smell good. -And you were wrong about Glenn.
-What about Glenn? -He didn't show up.
Oh, this is awful. The understudy, is he ready?
-He's got laryngitis. -And his brother's been drafted.
What's that got to do with laryngitis?
Never mind, I'll sing the songs. Get down there and get that show started.
-What about Wagner? -I'll sing to Wagner too, now, hurry up.
-Ahhh. -Hello, Mr. Wagner.
Ah. There you are.
-We were just speaking of you, sir. -All here, well, that's fine.
-Miller? -Yes, sir?
You knew that check was no good.
That's why you were so anxious to open a show.
-The check came back? -I'll see you in jail, all of you.
I'll put you in every jail in the 48 states including Alaska.
Mr. Wagner, don't you think that's too far?
Shut up, you upholstered bellboy.
-You keep out of this. -The audience is in the theater.
- And the actors in dressing room. - Scenery on stage.
I'll have the sheriff take every bit of scenery off the stage in full view of the audience.
You'll make me the laughing stock of Broadway.
You made me the laughing stock of the hotel business.
-Where's the telephone? -It's right out there.
-Give me that phone. Give me the police. -Please don't.
That show will not open in my theater.
The men won't take the scenery tonight. Why don't you leave it there?
If the show's a flop, I'll give you back the theater and hotel.
Take your foot off that phone.
Pay the bill, or the curtain does not open tonight.
You don't wanna send that girl to the poorhouse.
-Why not? I'll go to the poorhouse. -It wouldn't look bad on you.
You wanna know something? You've got a heart of steel.
These people who've worked and slaved to put this show on...
...and you come in with one phone call over a measly little--
Nothing you can say will have effect on me. That curtain will not go up.
- Give me the police. - No, Wagner.
What kind of operators do we have...
-...that can't get the police? -Female.
What do you mean the lines are busy?
There's lots of stealing going on.
- What's that? - Sounds like a horse.
But we don't allow horses in the hotel.
-Suffering cow, it's Russell. -Oh, Glenn.
What happened? Did he faint?
Faint? No, he took poison.
-A suicide. -Suicide?
No, no, not in this hotel.
Glenn, darling, why did you do it?
The board of directors will never forgive me.
He drank the whole bottle I bought to kill the rats.
-Why didn't you stop him? -You said never interfere with guests.
-Can't let him stay here. -Get him in the bed.
He stained the rug.
-Call the house doctor. -He resigned.
Well, you're a doctor.
I was, but I gave it up, it made me sick.
-Do something. -Get compresses, hot and cold.
Good, you get the hot, I'll get the cold.
Nice going, Glenzie boy, nice going.
-He didn't drink that? -Are you kidding?
He poured it in the bottle. He's doing it for us.
How's the show?
Just keep groaning. Five minutes, we'll have that curtain up.
- Uh-oh. - Here there are.
-Call an ambulance -No, we can't afford adverse publicity.
And I can't afford a suicide my opening night.
-Wagner, you drove him to this act. -I had nothing to do with it.
Yes, you did, and now you can't even face your own conscience.
- Look at that poor boy lying there. - How's he doing?
Only thing keeping him alive is his will power.
This is your all fault. He's turning blue.
Never mind what color he is, do something. Don't let him die.
No, he owes us money.
How I could've used that golden voice in 35 minutes.
-Boys, the antidote, get milk, get eggs. -Yes.
-Get a stomach pump. -No, get ipecac.
It's an emetic, hurry.
You get that show started right away, and let me know how it's going.
-How are you gonna get out? -Never mind.
I'll get down there somehow.
-Did you get it? -Stomach pump, milk, eggs and ipecac.
I can't hold this show up longer. That audience will walk out.
You strike up the band...
...I'll have Christine and the boss down in five minutes.
Flash the orchestra, Joe. All right, places, places. Come on.
Why must there be an opening song?
Why are they brassy Loud and longer than a play
That starts at dawn and runs all day?
Why must there be routines like this?
You know the kind That start you hissing in your seat
Just like a valve escaping heat
Why must there be those Great big Amazon gals?
Those come-out- Dressed-with-really-nothing-on gals
They sing, but you don't hear a word
You smile although you know it's murder
Still you yell Bravo! It was swell
When you'd rather blast them Lambaste them with language quite strong
Why must there be
An opening song?
Mr. Wagner, I forgive you.
Oh, you poor boy. Where is the ipecac?
- Mr. Gribble. - Yes?
-I forgive you too. -Thank you.
Here comes Harry now. How's the show going?
-Curtain up, the audience love the number. -Great.
-What took you? -Couldn't say ipecac.
-Your medicine. -Water and glass.
-You get the water, I'll get the glass. -All right.
-Was that really ipecac? -Sure.
What? That's like taking poison.
Glenn, you only take a bit. Just a spoonful won't hurt you.
What do you think? Curtain's up, audience is loving the show.
-You and Christine are due in minutes. -Don't worry.
-Son, here we are. -Wait.
We're going out and try and find a doctor.
I'm gonna leave this boy in your care. Don't take your eyes off him.
If anything should happen, his blood is on your head.
-I had nothing to do with-- -Always denying, never admitting the truth.
-Where's Miller? -Where's Miller?
-There.
In the days of witches
They used to trail 'em
And when they caught them How they used to whale 'em
That's how it used to be In Salem, Mass. Alas!
They'd trail 'em They'd whale 'em
That's how it used to be In Salem, Mass. Alas!
But today, the witches have got a racket
They wear a turban and a jeweled jacket
And pretty soon they're With the upper bracket clan, yeah, man
A racket A jacket
They're in there With the upper bracket clan, yeah, man
Talented fortune tellers No longer hide in cellars
No doubt you've met the lady With the crystal ball.
But now I want to introduce The queen of them all
If you've got a beau And if you'd like to know
If your beau's going to propose
Ask the madam
The madam knows
If you're in despair You've tried and don't know where
To get a pair of nylon hose
Ask the madam The madam knows
Ask the madam She knows it all
She know it Just like Mr. What's-His-Name
Plus the crystal ball
When the greetings say Your boyfriend's in 1-A
You'd like to know the day he goes
Ask the lady in gypsy clothes
Ask the madam 'Cause the madam really knows
Stop, stop.
Stop, I say.
Stop!
When you're in despair
You look and don't know where
Your heart will find that sweet repose
Come see the madam
The madam knows
If some love affair Has left you in the air
Then gaze into the crystal ball
Come to mama before you fall
Come to mama, darlin'
Mama knows it all
Ask the madam Because the madam really knows
That was pure gold, boss.
Great, keep the show going.
-But we need the voice. -In a minute.
-Stop worrying, Binion. -Oh, well, I...
Oh, places, places, everybody.
- Take this. - No.
-Take it. -No more.
-You're not gonna die on my hands. -I'm full now.
- This stuff should work. We used to give it to horses.
That's better now, here.
Hello, give me the drugstore. It's a matter of life and death.
-Is he still here? -How is he?
Sometimes he's better, sometimes worse.
-Hello, send up another bottle of ipecac. -Oh, no.
He's had two bottles already. MILLER: What?
- It'd made him sick. - That's terrible.
-Where's the doctor? -Couldn't come, having a treatment.
Send up a cheese on rye and some watermelon.
No, no, that would kill him.
Not if I eat it.
-How is the show going? -Wonderful, Glenn.
How can he think of a show like this?
Don't you realize all his life, he's been preparing for this night?
-Now, it looks like it's gonna be his closing. -Ohhhh.
He trying to tell us he won't be here long.
-Ipecac -No.
Hah! Why, there's not a beat left in that little bosom.
-But he can't die in my penthouse. -No, he shouldn't.
Downstairs, a vast audience is waiting to hear...
...that glorious golden voice raised in song.
And up here, the curtain has been rung down.
Why don't you take a walk in the park?
But he kept recovering and dying every time I gave him ipecac.
This is the last time.
Oh, it's a rotten life, Gribble.
It wasn't so bad up till yesterday.
-The first act was a sock. -Please.
-A little respect. -Did he die already?
He put it off as long as he could.
He wanted to die in the dressing room.
I can see him, looking at me with those blue eyes and saying:
"Binion, old pal...
-...do you really need me to sing?" -And I hear you answering:
"Yes, the show is great. They loved Christine, but we need you."
-Exactly. -Wonder what he would've said?
He would have said, "Miller, pay the bill and let the show go on."
Poor boy. An hour ago, we were tearing each other's throats.
And now, takes a thing like this to make you realize--
-Goodbye, Glenn. -Goodbye, pal.
-Bye. -Goodbye, sweet playwright.
-Christine, you better leave us. -I know she should.
Bye. I'll lay out your costume as though you're gonna be there in five minutes.
-Better make it four. -Make it four.
-Let's call the police. -No, no, wait.
-Think of the scandal, the publicity. -We must think of the law.
Wouldn't it be better if this body wasn't found in the hotel?
- We can dump him in an alley. - No, no.
We can put him in his dressing room. That's where he would like to be.
What are you thinking of?
I'm thinking of you, Wagner, and your beautiful hotel.
After all, you're responsible for this, you know.
If I were you, I'd get out of town quickly.
I have a friend, captain of a boat, runs to Hoboken, they'll never find you.
-Can you fix it? -Yes--
No, I'll stay and face the music and the police.
-Wait, wait just a moment. -Give me that phone.
Harry, get the flowers.
Boys, I think it's fitting and proper that we say a few words at this moment.
That's the least we can do.
-I can't think of a thing to say. -You keep out of this, Gribble.
As a matter of fact...
...I'm so overcome with emotion myself...
...I can't think of a word to say.
Maybe it would be better if we just sang a little.
Should old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should old...
Bless my everlasting soul, Miller, that's the last trick you'll ever pull on me.
I'm going down and stop that show myself.
Help, murder, police!
Miller, you'll regret this as long as you live. See you in the electric chair.
-I'll see you after the show. -I always wanted to do that.
You keep out of this. Come, I need you.
Glenzie boy, Glenzie, how do you feel?
How do I feel? How do I look?
Oh, no, you couldn't feel that bad. How are your pipes?
I haven't thought about them.
-Try them, try them, that's important. -Ahem.
When the blue of the night
Suffering cats, he's lost his voice.
- But he's due any minute. - He'll be all right.
Get coffee, get ammonia, get some air. Come on, Glenn.
But my stomach is jumping.
So is the show. Jumping like a million dollars.
Wonderful, they're eating it up. They love it.
-Here's your order. -That's mine.
-What about the ipecac? -Give it to Wagner.
Take it down, take it--
Glenn, my boy, I've got to hand it to you, you're a swell kid.
I promise you, soon as this show is a hit, I'm gonna produce your play.
-Never mind, forget it. -Forget about it, why?
-I read the play myself. -Ha-ha-ha.
-And another thing. -Huh?
Take your hands off of me, you hoodlum.
Mr. Wagner, this whole thing, let me explain.
It will take half an hour, just be nice. You'll get yourself upset.
-Mr. Wagner, what are you doing? -Shh.
-Landed here-- -Shhh!
The show's on. Come in.
As long as there's music
There's always romance Oooh
The spell of a theme starts you to dream
-There's always a chance -Oooh
-As long as there's music -Oooh
-Whatever the song -Oooh
As long as there's music
-For sweethearts to sing -Oooh
I'll sing you my love
-Melodies of the birds on the wing -Oooh
-My loneliest days -Oooh
-Can never seem long -Oooh
-As long as there's music -Oooh
-And you are the song -Oooh
Some other time
I could resist you
Yes, some other time
Not now
There is no rhyme
Now that I've kissed you
With all that is me
I thee endow
Imagine me thinking You could never faze me
The tricks my imagination plays me
You smile and this heart of mine Betrays me
You know it's so
Let's take a vow
To love forever
Not some other time
But now
As long as there's music CHORUS: Oooh
-There's always romance -Oooh
The spell of a theme Starts you to dream
-There's always a chance -Oooh
As long as there's music
-Whatever the song -Oooh
As long as there's music
For sweethearts to sing
-I'll sing you my love -Oooh
-Melodies of the birds on the wing -Oooh
Wing, wing
My loneliest days
Can never seem long
As long as there's music
And you are the song
Here's where love begins And here's where friendship ends
You've seen it all You've heard it all
So why not leave us face it
Here's where love begins And here's where friendship ends
The hat you hung beneath your seat You might as well replace it
Oh, my, Gribble, this is good.
Shut up.
Our love will be tremendous
And Wagner will go about Flinging his dough about
So, you see, it's time to blow
Just grab you hat and go That's all there is, so why pretend?
'Cause here's where love begins And here it is
The end
That's all.